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The 10 worst films of 2009!

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The Worst Films of 2009. By Simon Miraudo.

We all love movies. You wouldn’t be reading this blog and I wouldn’t be writing these articles if that wasn’t the case. This is why it’s as important to acknowledge the worst films of the year as it is to acknowledge the best. After all, would the sweet taste as nice if we had never tasted the sour.

In that spirit, here is my (personal and highly subjective) look at the 10 worst films of 2009. This was no easy task. Believe me, there were some clunkers to choose from this year. But, here are the ten films that disappointed, upset and generally just bored me the most. Please let us know in the comments section below your worst films of 2009!

It’s with great reluctance that I call A Christmas Carol the 10th worst film of the year. I greatly admire director Robert Zemeckis and star Jim Carrey, but a failure is a failure. Their motion-captured retelling of Dickens’ classic story is far too serious and too creepy to be even remotely enjoyable. If I wanted to stare into Carrey’s cold, dead, emotionless eyes, I would just watch The Majestic again.

Never trust a man who willingly calls himself “McG”. For a film that actually had the word TERMINATOR in the title, the latest installment of the increasingly disappointing franchise was surprisingly light on the robot assassins. It’s a sad day when the only thing people remember from a film is a leaked audio clip of the main actor having a tantrum about lighting.

And the award for “saddest attempt to kick-start a new franchise” goes to …

Surely the biggest critical punching bag of 2009 was Michael Bay. And you know what? He earned it. With Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, he provided us with the most unintelligible film of the year, both on a visual and narrative level. The plot was as maddeningly complex and impenetrable as Donnie Darko and Mulholland Drive rolled into one. Maybe it’s an incredibly deep and thoughtful work of art that I just don’t understand. Hmm, maybe.

Note to movie studios: kids aren’t stupid! Dragonball Evolution is not only one of the least exciting “action” films ever made, it’s also one of the most unimaginative, uninspiring and uninteresting children’s films ever made. No joke, I saw more riveting action sequences in An Education.

My Sister’s Keeper is a competently made, well-acted film, but I just can’t get around its exploitative nature. Instead of being a celebration of life, it’s a heavy-handed march towards death. Also, it’s really boring. If this film teaches us anything, life is short. So why waste two hours watching My Sister’s Keeper?

“From producer Michael Bay…”

I don’t exactly hate The Spirit. I just pity it. After all, this is what happens when you hand a big budget movie over to someone who doesn’t know how to make a film. Comic book writer Frank Miller embarrasses his all-star cast with some interminable pacing, a terrible screenplay and generally unpleasant special effects. I’d never thought I’d say this, but I wish The Spirit had been directed by Robert Rodriguez.

Ugly indeed. A film so misogynistic, sexist and downright stupid that it makes Twilight seem like a feminist manifesto. Star Katherine Heigl (who once accused the faaaaaaar superior Knocked Up of being sexist mind you) co-produced this unfunny monstrosity. Remind me to never see anything she is in ever again.

Everything about this film … EVERYTHING … is a disaster, from the cinematography, to the performances to the execution of, well, the executions. As a fan of horror films, I find The Final Destination to be an unforgivable mess; an insult of disastrous proportions. It was nowhere near as fun as Drag Me to Hell, as scary as Paranormal Activity, as disturbing as Martyrs, or even as entertainingly gory as Midnight Meat Train. The Final Destination does hold one dubious distinction: it’s the only 2009 film to be less scary than The Twilight Saga’s New Moon.

Discuss: Alright, over to you! What were the biggest clunkers you saw this year! Be honest and get emotional!


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